Trying to Go Viral After 50: A Dog Mom’s Descent into the TikTok Algorithm Madness

TikTok Algorithm Madness

Welcome to the beautifully unhinged world of TikTok—where I, a middle-aged dog mom armed with sarcasm, wine, and a questionable understanding of lighting, attempt to go viral with the help of two four-legged chaos goblins.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes the algorithm ghosts me like a bad date. Most of the time, it’s just me yelling “WHY IS THIS ONE FLOPPING?!” while uploading a video of my dog side-eyeing me with more personality than most influencers.

If you've ever shouted “DO I HAVE TO DANCE NOW?!” into your phone while wearing pajama pants and holding a treat bag—this guide is for you.

The Algorithm Is Basically a Goblin With ADHD

Let’s get one thing straight: no one really knows how the TikTok algorithm works.

I’m pretty sure even TikTok doesn’t know.

It’s like asking Batman for his emotional availability—not gonna happen.

But here’s what we do know (probably):

• Watch time matters: If people watch the whole video—or better yet, re-watch it—the algorithm throws confetti and shows it to more people.

• Engagement is queen: Likes, comments, shares, saves. Yes, even weird comments like “I showed this to my iguana.”

• Hook them in 3 seconds: The start of your video needs to grab attention. This could be your dog doing something insane or you yelling “I just made beef stew for my dog, not for myself, WHAT IS MY LIFE.”

• Hashtags help: The right combo = visibility. More on that below.

  
  

The Hashtag Vortex: Use Wisely or Perish

Here’s a mix of hashtags that can boost your chances without sounding like you’re trying too hard (even if you are, no judgment—we all are).

Try combos like:

• #DogTok

• #DogsOfTikTok

• #HomemadeDogFood

• #DogMomLife

• #YogaFails

• #CocktailTok

• #PetParentChronicles

• #MeTimeInterrupted

• #MenopauseAndMutts (because branding, baby)

Use 5–10 total. Mix trending ones with niche ones. Don’t go full #FYP overload—it’s been abused into oblivion and doesn't mean much anymore.

Also, let’s be honest—it’s not just about using hashtags. It’s a whole field of study.

You either need a degree in TikTokology or get extremely lucky.

What looks like a simple upload is actually a labyrinth of micro-decisions, algorithm rituals, and thumbnail witchcraft. Hashtags are just the tip of the chaotic iceberg.

Trends: Ride the Wave, But Wear Floaties

Trends are where the action is, but here’s the key—make it your own.

See a trending sound? Use it, but in your context. Maybe someone uses it to show off a cute outfit. You use it to show your dog eating said outfit. Everyone wins.

But wait—WTF is a Stitch? A Duet? A Collab?

Let’s break down the TikTok lingo real quick:

• Stitch: You take up to 5 seconds of someone else's video and then add your own clip after it. Perfect for reacting, responding, or dunking on people with terrible dog food advice.

• Duet: You film your video side by side with someone else’s. You can sing with them, react, or silently judge while sipping wine and shaking your head.

• CapCut Templates: These are auto-edited formats where you just drop in clips or photos and they apply trending music and transitions. Great for lazy brilliance (my specialty).

  
  

Sound On, Baby: Music and Voiceovers Matter More Than Your Lighting Setup

TikTok is an audio-first platform. People might scroll past your perfectly framed shot of you cooking gourmet dog food—but slap a trending sound on that video, and suddenly you’re getting views from strangers in Uruguay.

Here’s the deal with sounds:

• Trending Audio = Boost Mode When you use a song or sound that’s currently popular, TikTok is more likely to shove your video into people’s feeds. It’s like putting a glittery arrow on your content that says “HEY! THIS ONE!”

• Original Audio = Personality Gold Want to stand out? Narrate your own videos. Talk to the camera. Add voiceover. Your chaotic monologue about trying to do downward dog while your Rhodesian Ridgeback puppy uses you as a launchpad is exactly the kind of unhinged realness people adore.

• Text-to-Speech = Instant Funny You know that robotic voice that reads whatever text you slap on the screen? Use it. TikTok users love it. It adds instant weirdness and emphasis. Bonus: it helps people with audio off or accessibility needs engage with your content.

• Use Music With IntentionIf you’re making a calm “look at me cook for my dogs like they’re royalty” video, go for lo-fi or cinematic. If Eazy, your grumpy Boxer-Rottweiler mix, is interrupting your yoga routine by sitting on your head, go chaotic—"Yakety Sax," anyone?

Where to Find Good Sounds:

• Tap the “+” to create a video, then hit “Add Sound.”

• Look at videos on your FYP (For You Page) that are blowing up and tap the sound—it’ll show you how many people are using it.

• Save sounds for later. You never know when Hazel is going to do something perfectly ridiculous.

Wait—Am I Shadowbanned or Just Not Interesting Today?

Ah yes, the infamous shadowban—the Bigfoot of TikTok. Everyone swears it exists, no one can prove it, and TikTok denies it like a cat knocking a glass off the counter.

What is shadowbanning? It's when your content stops getting views or engagement for no obvious reason, even though you're posting regularly and following the rules. It feels like you’ve been quietly kicked out of the algorithm party.

Possible reasons it might happen:

• Violating community guidelines (even accidentally)

• Using copyrighted music without permission

• Posting too frequently or repetitively (are you a bot?)

• Being reported by salty trolls

How to tell if it's happening:

• Drastic drop in views (like going from 1,000 to 6 overnight)

• Videos not showing up on hashtag searches or the FYP

What to do:

• Take a break from posting for a few days

• Review your recent content for anything potentially against guidelines

• Try switching up your style (new audio, format, caption approach)

• Report it to TikTok—yes, seriously

Bonus: Quick Shadowban Checklist

•  Sudden drop in views?

•  Repeated posts flagged or removed?

•  Are your videos searchable with hashtags?

•  Have you tried changing content formats?

•  Did you cry and yell at your phone? (Not helpful, but relatable)

Sometimes it’s not a shadowban. Sometimes it’s just Tuesday. Either way, don’t panic.

🎓 It’s Basically a Degree in Social Media Engineering

Let’s be clear: posting on TikTok is not just “film your dog, post, win internet.” No no. You need:

• A grasp on trending audio like a radio DJ with psychic powers

• Hashtag strategy that rivals SEO wizardry

• Editing skills and camera angles like you're directing a low-budget documentary about chaos

• And the patience of a saint (or at least a GenX woman trying to upload in vertical format without swearing)

Yes, I now have three cameras. One for wide shots, one for Hazel’s zoomies, and one to catch Eazy side-eyeing me like I’m ruining her vibe. Then I cut the footage using an actual video editing tool. On a Laptop. Because apparently, TikTok is not just an app—it’s a lifestyle.

Trying to go viral isn’t about luck alone anymore. It’s a science. An exhausting, unpredictable, occasionally hilarious science.

Final Thoughts From the Dog Hair-Covered Trenches

Going viral is like trying to teach a goblin with ADHD to play fetch—it might happen, but only if the moon is full and you’ve sacrificed your sanity to the gods of trending audio.

I’m convinced that algorithm burnout is real, and the only known cure is a full-bodied red, a soft blanket, and lowering your expectations to “maybe six views and a pity like from your mother who thinks TikTok is a new kind of mint.”

But here’s the thing—sometimes, the chaos aligns. The algorithm goblin notices your particular brand of magic. Maybe it’s your Rhodesian Ridgeback trying to dig a hole in the crapet or your Boxer-Rottie mix giving you the kind of side-eye that deserves its own Oscar.

So keep posting.

Keep laughing.

Keep the wine fridge stocked.

Keep whispering, “this is the one,” to every video like it’s a lottery ticket.

And when in doubt?

#AlwaysFilmTheDogs