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rump’s Greenland “deal” follows a familiar pattern: create a fake crisis, threaten escalation, declare victory, and end up with exactly what already existed. In this Daily Show–style monologue, the Greenland saga is compared to a taxi ride Trump never needed to hijack, exposing dealmaking as theater, diplomacy as collateral damage, and “I won” as a substitute for actual results.

When a federal official dresses like authoritarian fan fiction and throws chemical agents at protesters, the outfit isn’t the problem.